Time Cannot Erase These Wounds
by Riverspirit86
Summary: Lavi has 'died' on a mission. How will his death affect Kanda? Lavi x Kanda in later chapters.
1. Hurt

**This is a yaoi fic, so if you don't like it, don't read it.  
Disclaimer: as if i could possibly own D. Gray Man!!!!**

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Meditating silently in my room with my eyes closed, I was hyper-aware of all the sounds around me; the distant footsteps on the stone stairs, the creak of the floorboards, and even the faint sounds of the wind. So when someone dared to knock quietly on my door, I jumped. I growled faintly, annoyed that someone had disturbed my sense of calm. I closed my eyes again trying to regain the peace of the meditation, only to open them when I heard someone sobbing quietly. I listened harder, and when I did, I heard a second person comforting the first one. _'I think it's Lenalee crying and Moyashi comforting her. . .but why?'_ I thought to myself. Another, quiet knock, only this one was accompanied by Lenalee's voice.

"K-Kanda? P-please come out. . .w-we n-need to t-tell you s-something," Her voice broke on the last words. I waited in silence to see if she would say anything else. Someone spoke, this time Moyashi.

"K-Kanda?" His voice was full of stress, sadness, and. . .pity? "Really Kanda, we need to tell you s-something." His voice trembled on the last word.

_ 'Why are they so upset?'_ I wondered to myself while I sighed and got up from my position on the floor to answer my door. When I opened my door, the sight I saw made my growl of annoyance die in my throat. Lenalee was sobbing into Moyashi's shoulder while he had tears slowly falling down his face. "What happened?" I asked calmly, not wanting to upset them any more than they were.

"B-brother need to s-see y-you. H-he has some b-bad n-news," Lenalee managed to choke out before she started crying harder.

"But what happened?" I asked again. And when I did, Lenalee just shook her head sadly. So I looked to Moyashi for an explanation.

Allen said simply, "You need to see K-komui." His tears started falling freely again.

I glared at him slightly._ 'Why aren't they telling me anything?'_ I wondered. I sighed. "Fine. . .I'll go see him now." I growled while I rudely brushed past them on my way to the supervisor's office.

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"Kanda...I'm afraid that I have bad news," Komui said quietly. The normally hyper, over-active, mad scientist was sitting calmly at his desk while his tears rolled down his cheeks slowly.

I growled in annoyance. "Everyone is upset for some reason and no one is telling me why!" I glared at Komui. "Tell me. . .now!"

Komui sighed sadly. "I guess I shouldn't keep the truth from you any longer . ." Komui paused slightly. And when he continued, his voice was barely a whisper. I leaned forward in my seat to hear what he was saying. ". . .Lavi is. . .d-dead. . ."

I sat back, stunned. _'W-wait...w-what? Lavi. . . . .d-dead? H-how?' _I thought to myself in shocked silence. _'Wait. . .this is probably some sick joke that Komui made up. . .it can't be real!' _I laughed nervously. "Komui, really. . .quit joking around and tell me why I'm here."

Komui looked at me with pity, tears falling freely down his face now. "Kanda?" He said cautiously. "I'm serious. Lavi is d-dead. He was supposed to return from his mission a month ago. And also, we can't contact him through his golem. I'm sorry, but. . .he really is dead."

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**Yes, that was depressing. . .but it'll get better as the chapters go on.  
Review?? :)**


	2. Denial

**Disclaimer: I do not own **:(

I stumbled back to my room in a daze. _'Lavi . . . dead? It can't be real! I know it can't be real!'_ I sat on my bed, staring blankly at the wall across from me. _'He said he'd always be there for me_!' **1** I glanced at my lotus inside it's hourglass. "He said he'd stay with me till I died!" I shouted to the empty room, remembering the time Lavi had comforted me after a nightmare by saying he would always be there. And, looking at the lotus, I saw that I still had a lot of petals left to lose. Petals of time that I wouldn't get to share with Lavi. _'It's more than the number that Lavi has,'_ my inner self noted calmly. Then, it finally hit me. Lavi, my love, was dead.

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"NO! It's not happening! God DAMN IT!" I yelled to myself. I had been sitting on my bed for hours, willing the petals to fall, so I could join my love in the peaceful afterlife. But my fate obviously wasn't to die a quick and easy death. It was to live a long life, but I would be cursed by the loss of my loved one. "Lavi . . ." I whispered my dead lover's name like a memory. And for the first time since I'd met him, I felt truly alone.

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I had turned into a shadow, a shell of my former self. I hadn't liked to come out of my room in the first place, but now I never set foot anywhere else. Lenalee would come by everyday to talk to me and also to bring me food, but I ignored her and the food always went untouched. Eventually, she just stopped coming by. And that was when the pain of being alone was the greatest. Lavi was gone and Lenalee stopped coming by. The pain was just too much. I knew I had to escape, but how? What could I do to makes the pain I felt inside better?

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**1: kudos to the Lion King xD**


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